Opening up. teenage love problems, why why why.

I'm a very outgoing , open person to everyone. i love meeting new people. I almost don't have any boundaries. I feel secure when i feel comfortable around me peers. i like to know who i have to spend every day with.

It's proven. As you get older, criticism becomes more harsh, as does judgement.

I've noticed with teenagers, we do things in order to avoid getting judged. because feeling inferior, rejected or wrong, is our biggest fear. we like to be liked.

i remember when we first kissed. truthfully it was my first real kiss. technically it wasnt.

it was the second time i hung out with him. i was nervous. he had experience, i knew it. i didn't. i was real scared. i thought he would JUDGE me if i was bad . he kepy setting it up so he could kiss me. and i kept turning it down. he thought i just didnt want to kiss him. " yes" i said "i do i just..i dont know" and layed my head on his chest. "you aren't going to leave without kissing me" he said. and he sat on the arm of the couch, pulled me closer, and i gave him a small peck " THERE!" i said. ready for it to be over. i was very UNCOMFORTABLE. i didn't know him very well and thought he was too good for me.

but we walked to the soccer fields, and into the woods, where we kissed awkwardly, and he said " no" and pulled me away, and led me out of the forest. oh god i screwed it up, i thought. oh. god.

i remember that day. we were walking on the pavement path, past a bride. we talked about hunting. there was a double rainbow outside. we rode in the back of his truck back to his house.

i compare the first kiss, to the last.

the last time i kiss tyler it was magical. it was a week and a half ago. October 5th.

we kept coming back to each other, boy was it so cute. we kissed. then he walks away, stops, and runs right bak to me " one more kiss he says, and gives me a wet one. and walks away, runs right back, "ONE MORE" and we walk away again, i run back " please don't go, one last kiss" and laugh. we walk, part ways, this time we don't run back, but im smiling, he's smiling, and we look backa t each other. it's perfect.

from the first kiss to the last, it shows how much more ocmfortable i got with him. from being utterly scared out of my wits, to wanting to kiss him nonstop.

it's crazy to believe, just two days later, everything changed.

[i didnt even know how to open up

and once i did

he left

i could get juniors and seniors

who can drive

who are sweeter

and better

but

it feels so wrong

to think of any guy like i think of him

you get so comfortable with someone

you dont know how to be not super incredibly close with someone else

and you dont know how to get close with a guy again]