What to expect while expecting

10/6/12

the littlest things in life are the greatest.

i struggle with the everyday things that i should be able to handle.

i struggle with myself, almmmost every aspect of it. its hard, trying to disect every little thought and feeling. i never understand myself, and each time i collect another failed attempt to do so, a harsh veil is placed over my thoughts.

layers and layers just clouding my vision. and thats what life is , right> just one big visiion. its how you see it, thats what life is, the way you see it.  its so so so

exasperating .

u call me you tell me how you wished i wwas there. and then you tell me how amanda came and you had a good time. you know, i didnt want to hear that , but i didnt really get hurt. it was kind of, expected. it shouldnt be, but it was. and left alone, with movies on demand, i watched

“What to expect while expecting”

i wish i knew what to expect. but i cant seem to differ fantasy from reality.

i sat there and watched this movie, noticed how the men acted, and found that one of the characters relationship was vaguely similar to my current one. it was interesting. the girl acted like me. passive, fierce, independent for so long that she was convinced she was meant to be that way, thats how it should be. letting this boy go, he kept trying, and she kept walking away. she wasnt aware that the things he said to her, the feeling he felt for her, they were all so so true, and real. she didnt believe it, she was hurt, and she was in fear that she would continue to be hurt..

she didnt let him in, and she felt like it was right. it was the right decision for her. to be alone; it was the way it needed to be. but she found herself to be unhappy. unsatsified with the empty feeling she felt after he was absent from her life.

i coiuld feel it…i could feel what she felt only because i was looking for my thought, confused, unsure of how i truely felt, and she was too. but she became conscious of it later, she became AWARE. and this awwareness is what brought her and her guy together. its what binded them in a bond.

they would impossible, different, and completely wrong for each other.’

but once they found joy in each others presesnce, they couldnt live without it in any way.