we ended up in the same place, same party, ended up bad. we had JUST broke up. there was still tension. he was rude and mean
We had just discussed the plan. We needed one and we both knew it. We talked slowly, he was staring blankly at the ground in shame, as I talked, being careful with his feelings. I remember at one point, I said " I believe the reason our relationship didn't work was because you didnt know me, you never did" "you're right I didn't know you" he agreed.
He explained how he is trying to find the right one. And with every girl there is a time where he believed she's the one." I'm trying to find the right girl" "you're so young, why are you trying to find your wife in high school." He couldn't find words he said " it's like I'm two different people. I don't want to be fake. I'm not fake and I will never be". He was silent as I tried to figure him out.
"you're okay" I said as I looked up at his face. He closed his eyes and breathed hard.. Trying not to cry, His nose flared. I could see the pain. my arm was around him. He looked away. Couldn't even look at me. "you wanna sit down" he nods and sits down, puts his hands on his face, head down. I remembered how he loved when people scratched his head. So I did. He took my hands and through them off. I didn't know whether to be offended Or not. Was this his way of putting me in my place? I wasn't his girlfriend anymore. Or did he feel bad, eaten with guilt...he cheated me, he broke me. And yet I was still here, talking to him, soft words Reassuring him. Me reaching out, unaffected by his wrong decisions. He moved my hands because he didn't feel worthy of my affection
You see, how did we even get to this point? Well: Minutes before, I had saw him leaving. I was going to talk to him earlier but i was nervous, frightened. I had never been scared to talk to him before. But now he was leaving. I had to grab him before it was too late.I ran after him and caught up. Grabbed him. "Tyler, wait." "no" he said. Couldn't turn my way. He kept walking. I didn't want to let him go. "Tyler why are you being like this" " I'm sorry I can't.." "stop! Talk to me, please" "no" he rushes to his car. my running comes to a hault. I sadden, knowing i blew my chance, and watched him get inside the car. I turn around and nikki starts up towards their car. "Erin come" I tried to argue but I thought why not. " only if you hold my hand, Nikki" . We locked fingers and proceeded to the car. There we approach Isabel and kory. We talk and it's not so bad. We laugh, trying to ignore Tyler in the car blasting music. I look in the car, and he's there. He signals me to come to his window. This is where I'm not sure if it was all a act because he felt obligated, I was there and he looked like the bad guy. Or did he want to talk; want to figure things out; was he genuine.? I come over. And he's there. Obviously in distress.. He says "I'm just mad, and jealous, and envious" how long had he been thinking of an excuse to make up For his prior behavior? Or did Juna tell him what to say? What to believe... But he looks sad. I notice one thing. : his voice. It's deep and Soothing. I recognized it. He used this voice during serious phone calls. On our first date at the dance recital. It was smooth and seemed rehearsed. I remember it was a red flag for me the first time I heard it. he had charm, but was he just TOO smooth. He was saying all the right things, all the things I wanted to hear. I was afraid his words were meaningless, forced. It scared me that I didn't know, and couldn't figure it out.
I gave him two options. We could have no contact. We could be strangers and act like nothing ever happened, we never dated.
OR, we could be friends.
I left out the third option I had have him on the night we broke up. It was to continue our relationship and fix the issues. He had picked this one then. But we all knew what really had to happen.
one, or two. Pick one for me.
He stands up, gives me a hug, I can feel a change in the air. A silence over the crowd. Isabel, kory , and Nikki quieted. I wasn't looking at them but I could feel their stares. "two" he whispered. "I pick choice two"
And now we are back to the beginning. Where my arm was around him and he was almost in tears.
"if you ever need anything, text me"
I walked away.
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