the wind is blowing strongly outside now, and everyone is inside by the fire. once again isabel has invited me and tyler to the same event. us together in close proximity is a recipe for disaster. but in the back of my mind i saw this is  an opportunity.  we are all watching a movie and i see him go to the kitchen, i follow him, and tell him to follow me outside. he declines, and gives me his typical expected sass. " look tyler!" i said firmly. " im not letting you go until you do as i say, im going to talk to you" i maintain a close grip on his arms and his tries to  wiggle free. he pulls and i pull harder  i block his way with my body and he picks me up.in mid air he stops and looks my in the eyes. "please" i said " please tyler" and we walk outside. he stands arms crossed. you could slice the tension with a knife.. i know how this will roll out. first he will be grumpy and snippy. then he would slowly ease out of it and confess his true feelings. "tyler look...i cant do THIS anymore" i said striding towards him. once i reach a foot from him i say " this, whatever THIS is, is NOT going to work anymore. i want you to sit for a second. and LISTEN. DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT I ONCE MEANT TO YOU? and i remember how much you meant to me. i hhate you. i really do. but the thing is ill always love you. you're like an infection. and i wont sit here and pretend to be okay with this rivarlry we have going on. i cant take back what i did and you cant take back what you said. we made mistakes and makybe us breakig  up was for the best. but maybe it wasnt. and i know the odd are against us but i cant live with knowing you hate me and never want to even talk to me. i am not letting you go on with this attitude towards me and i cant continue to hate you as well. i refuse to. but its all your choice you know. i just want you to remember the good times, althought few, we had them. remeber  how you felt when we kissed. i cant find that with anyone else.

my heart is numb.

It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face
I've been everywhere and back trying to replace everything . 
I was a lonely soul, but that's the old me.
I reach out trying to love but I feel nothing
Oh my heart is numb.

Catalyst

here the t hing . i kind of dont know really how to vocalize my thoughts. or sort through my thoughts either. i just cant seem to determine what im thinking. this whole situation just seems like a blur. i dont know what the catalyst will be, to make me realize what i actually feel, but i hope it comes soon. and what i do know is i miss you. i do a little. not enough, but enough. confusing, i know. but true it is.

the boy with two souls

im sitting here and i am numb. not as i was when iw as depressed, but numb from the pain. thank you god, for giving me the opportunity to get over tyler. thank you lord for all you have provided me. my life isnt so bad, ya know. tyler sent me a long message  it was terrible. one of the worst things i ve ever gotten. but i didnt care until he told me that one of my friends hated me. and i cried and cried and i called ryan and asked him why. and he calmed me and i love ryan as a friend so much. he is the best. but i realized that there is nthing more i can do. im not going to spread rumors or anything, he's beyond irrelevant  i realized that people like me dont have time to deal with lower people on the social ladder like tyler. tres pathetique, he is. its a shame ya know. such a cute face ruined by such a god awful, unfix-able personality. one day karma will bite him in the ass. its not my job to teach him his lessons, its god's job. and god will give him the opportunity to be a better person , hopefully one day soon. i wish him the best on his road to recover, the poor boy with two souls.

SIMPLE

hi im erin.
i like oranges and raspberries.
I'm an outdoorsy girl who loves the sun.
My favorite season is autumn. I love drawing, painting, and theatre.
I'm a very outgoing girl, some people find it very unusual. i like to sing and dance around and just be silly.
'm very weird at times, and very mature at the right times. I'm known for caring about everyone, regardless if you're "cool" or not.  I love old movies and cliche romance novels. I'm very caring and passionate. I would consider myself a leader, strong willed, but stubborn at times.

stars

what is love i ask.

who are you?
this life,
im sitting alone staring up into the milky stars, trying to count them all, only to realize it was impossible. and it's like us. impossible. the stars are so beautiful and so close. they are together and will always be. and i focus on the biggest, brightest star, and i think of you. and all our littles problems, impossible to count them all. but you are my brightest star. you are the light in my milkyway.

Shine on

its amazing how a bit of sunshine can make you happier. its even more amazing how one song can make you realize that maybe its time to get your head out of the shadows, walk chin up, and smile. shine, shine, shine on.