I loved my bestfriend when i was dating him.

found this journal entry from when i was dating tyler:

and then he calls me

july 23 2012

and here i am, sitting next to tyler. sweating, hair frizzing, shaking nervously. he doesnt get me. this is pain to get him to laugh. i dont feel comfortable.

and i leave. anxiety is in full swing now. im shaking. and i feel like a fool. im foolish and stupid and im not good enough.. tyler couldnt even look at me? was i that unbearable. he could lie all he wanted over text, through the phone, but it must’ve gotten so hard to say i was beautiful when he looked in my eyes, and realized i wasnt.

i came home.im freaking out, i need to calm down and find reality. then barbara nicole gorilla face and asain victoria decide to put me on blast on twitter.

cool.

and then i get a call.

and its from “fag”

michael! my bestfriend. my love. the perfect guy. and we talk and like usual he makes me laugh. and i lvoe him. and i feel so lost and confused. because as much as i want to be with him, i know theres a slim chance he’d feel the same, and for now i was better off with tyler.