I just want  aboy friend who i can hop out of the shower, put on a old tee shirt and shorts and lounge around with. with no makeup, hair in a bun. I want to feel comfortable with my boyfriend, go for late night adventures, sleep on a blanket in the forest side by side, talking about our lives and us. i want a boyfriend who will give me back massages when im sore, and whom i can return the favor. i want someone who will take me out to eat at a fast food drive in and just pig out.i want to be able to lay in each others arms while watching movies, cuddling; just enjoying each others presence. i want to be able to sit comfortably in silence, and say things that dont feel forced or awkward. i want no tension, i want to be able to talk our problems out, not break up on the first fight. i want to sip on sweet tea while chilling in a lounge chair fishing in the pond. i want someone who wont tell me to stop singing around the house or singing along to songs in a car. i want a guy who will go crzy with me,do crazy things, and experience things together.

MAY 13 2013
JOSH Y U NO RESPOND
what are you doing
are you paying a trick on me
is this a joke
are you dead
what if i turn on the news and its like:
JOSH COATES FOUND DEAD AFTER GIRL TEXTED HIM "HATE YOU MORE"
what if i made you commit suicide
r u in the hospital
are you in a coma
did you get your phone taken at school
did your mom ground  you
are you stupid and cant read
did you forget

I want to change, evolve. change into something i never thought i could be. i want to be happy and spread happiness. ii want to become the inevitable. i want to acomplish the impossible

skinny love.
thi songs just changes evrything for me. it gives me a new perspective ont hings. it clears up my foggy thoughts. how could one be so stupid to let someone use them? nothing is special about him. he is not superior because he is varsity quaterback. he is just a boy. with a football in one hand and every other girl in the school in his other. he is blake walters.  i remember  wanting to be free so bad. the bubble-gum pop songs from when i was little pumped me up so hard. i was so happy ya know. and innocent. now im just some girl with no identity. no respect for herself someone would have to look so down upon herself to do this.




there is this girl i know. she's really insecure, and i watch her fall but stand far away, not doing a thing. why? i dont know. i wish i could but she is unable to change. she's beautiful but she cant see that. i watch her as she looks in the mirror and crys. she hits the mirror, she hits it so hard her hands bleed. the same blood that pumps throughher veins, it is replaced by ice. she is no longer human. i watch her as she lets people use her. she thinks so lowly of herself that she can't see through anything. this girl, is me/

UPDATE

MICHAEL STELL THO
I really liked him
but he likes sylvia, my best friend,
what
ever
major
loser

MEAN GIRLS IN REAL LIFE

kory and emilie need to leave me alone. kory leeann porter. evil, evil evil. i wouldnt be surprised if her phone number started with 666. but it doesnt, i t should, but it doesnt. she's smart. she knows how to ruin someone. i feel like this is a real life case of Mean Girls.it's almost like they are planning my downfall, as if i havent already had one. their purpose is to soley break me down until i crumble. this is fueled by their hate for me, their deep rooted flaming hatred. im not sorry for anything ive done. its helped me learn. and grow. and now i KNOW better.

UNSUCCESSFUL GUILT AND A DEVASTATING STORY

i made a mistake

at first i felt nothing, strangley numb, everything was irrelevant  yet i found it hard to keep this mistake a secret, and soont he whole school found out. it was new years, i had planned for tyler to come over. you see, we had become good friends again. he had called me and we spoke until we couldnt speak anymore. we admitted to each to her how much we still cared and wanted to share our love for each other. little did i know that i was lying to myself, i didnt still feel that way, but wanted to believe it. he came over, and left. and a huge mistake was made, in the back of my mind i wanted it to be right, but in my heart, i KNEW it was wrong. i suffered from guilt and disappointment in my self and my loss of innocence. my parents read some facebook message and found out. it was devastating. i found myself in a place i had know too well. a dark place, empty. tyler wouldnt answer my calls, wouldnt speak to me. and i was worried that i could be carrying a child. life was at it's worst.